Milkshakes for the Emotionally Needed
by makeshiftdraco
Summary: Her milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard And they're like Its better than yours And she's like I'm not just some score Ginny is practically swimming in young men, but there's a problem...BOYS ARE NEEDY!
1. Chapter 1

"HI there, sweetheart! How are you doing today?"

Ginny frowned as Harry shuffled up behind her. She pasted on a grin. "Oh, just great…especially now that you're here!"

He blushed and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "Aw…you're just saying that…"

She was just saying that.

"Give me a kiss," he cooed, leaning in for a peck.

"I would…"she muttered," but I'm trying to study. Can I get back to you?" She brushed him off gently and stared at the textbook in front of her, hoping that perhaps if she concentrated hard enough, it would finally spontaneously combust and give her a valid excuse not to learn.

"But Gingercakes…"

She turned a horrified face in his direction. "Oh sweet Merlin, you did not just call me _Gingercakes_…"

Harry pouted. "I'm just trying to show you I care."

She stood and herded him toward the library doors. "I get it. You're an outstanding and emotionally available guy…I'm so impressed. Let's discuss our feelings later."

He perked up. "Actually, I heard the most lovely song today that reminded me of your eyes—"

She grabbed him by the front of the robes. "Look! Unless you want to fuck or something, I suggest you either write this essay for me or get the fuck out so I can study!"

Harry paled and looked wounded. "I'm sorry. You're obviously frustrated, and I know you didn't mean all that. I forgive you."

"Shut up!"

"I'll go."

Ginny sighed and released her hold. "Good idea."

"Gingercakes—I mean, Ginny, there's just one more thing."

"What?"

"Could you make me a milkshake?"

She stared blankly. "A milkshake?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "It's just that yours are so good…and I'm really jonesin' here…"

"A _milkshake_?" she squeaked. "Is that what you're after?"

He nodded.

"Its not enough that I let you screw me…or that I have to talk about my emotions…or that I have to put up with stupid pet names like Gingercakes…now you want me to make you a freaking milkshake?"

He smiled and nodded innocently.

Ginny lost it. "Why are boys so fucking needy? I can't take this anymore!"

Harry cowered as she screamed. The encounter was drawing spectators by now.

"I—I just wanted a milkshake…" Harry said.

"Well, you're not getting a milkshake," Ginny snapped. She pushed him into the corridor. "You know what, Harry? Go upstairs. Hang out with Ron. Be an insensitive, incompetent lout, and when I feel like making out or letting you buy me pretty things, I'll come get you…okay?"

He sulked. "Okay."

"Don't you try that pathetic look on me mister!"

"Yes, m'am."

He shuffled off towards the Gryffindor dorms, sniffling.

Ginny walked back to her desk and sighed. "I don't know why I bother…" she muttered.

She had finally gotten through an entire page when she noticed a certain Slytherin eyeing her from across the aisle.

Draco Malfoy approached her desk smoothly and let a hand rest on hers. "Weasley…there's something I should show you in the magical history section," he whispered. He raised an eyebrow and smirked. (Merlin she loved a good smirk.)

"Oh really?" she drawled. "And what makes this certain something worth my time?"

He leaned in, his lips just touching her ear. "Oh…believe me. It'll charm the freckles right off of you."

She smiled, and he quickly stalked away into the shelves.

Now the magical history section is infamously know as the official library snogging section…mainly because no one ever reads anything in the section as it is a dull and pointless subject. So it was only natural that Ginny followed Draco with the expectation of some sweet Slytherin action, and young Malfoy was not about to disappoint her.

The moment was ruined, however, as Draco began to unbutton her blouse.

"Oh…take me to dreamland, fiery demon of love…" he moaned suddenly, pinning her to a shelf with a kiss.

Ginny pulled away. "What was that?"

"Kiss me, my red goddess of passion!"

She started to rebutton. "No! No more of that!"

Draco stepped back, a fretful look on his face. "I've upset you. It was the kissing, wasn't it? I've always thought my technique had flaws."

"No…that was fi—"

"What was it then? What did I do wrong?"

She shook her head. "I can't believe this. You're supposed to be the biggest bastard in school, and even you can't stop worrying about my feelings!"

Draco bit his lip. "I'm sorry. It's just…I have a terrible weakness for milkshakes."

Ginny froze. "What was that?"

"It's just that…everyone says yours are so amazing…and I would really like to try one."

"What is wrong with you?" she hissed. "Is that all men can think about? I mean…you wanna go all the way on the first date? That I can handle, but demanding a milkshake? How dare you!"

"But Ginny, I'm a man…I have needs!"

"You're an inconsiderate bastard!" She started to storm off. "No…scratch that. You're a _considerate_ bastard!" She continued then paused. "Call me if you're interested in some more illicit library lovin'," she added quietly. "And leave my milkshakes out of it!"

Ginny had just about reached her desk when there was a tap on her shoulder.

She scowled. "What is it now you pandering fool? I am no milkshake monger!"

"What are you talking about?"


	2. Chapter 2

"What are you talking about?"

Ginny felt a sigh of relief escape her lips. "Oh thank Merlin…its just you, Hermione."

The other girl sat down, towers of books clattering to the table top as she dropped a new stack beside them. "Gee, thanks."

"No, it's not like that," Ginny insisted. "I was just afraid that you would be someone of the…male persuasion…"

Hermione cocked an eyebrow.

"I've been having troubles with them lately."

"Join the club," the other chuckled. "Ron is always a handful."

Ginny leaned on a literary tower cautiously. "Are you two even dating officially?"

"Exactly," muttered Hermione. "I even showed up in his room wearing naught but a translucent nightie to cover up my unmentionables…and all he could talk about was bloody desserts! It's frustrating! I mean, one does not pretend to go to the library for hours every day just so one can work on her gluts and not get noticed!"

Hermione did have a spectacular and neglected buttocks.

"Well, I've always thought if any of my brothers was gonna be a poofter…it would be Charlie," Ginny said. "But Ron was a close second. Are you su—"

"Perhaps he's asexual," Hermione moaned.

"Or a furry!"

"No," Hermione said quietly. "I'm certain he likes girls…he said so, but when I offered him exquisite sexual bliss, all he could do was blither on about milkshakes."

Ginny froze. "What was that?"

"Your milkshakes, actually," Hermione continued. "He said they were the best…or at least that was what everyone said."

"That's fucking sick."

"And just rude…I was wearing three inch heels!"

"You're a brave, brave woman," Ginny conceded.

"Hey girls!" Ron piped up cheerfully, strutting over toward their fortress of studiousness.

Ginny marched up to her brother and laid a harsh slap across his speckled face.

"Ow!" he cried. "What the hell was that for?"

"I swear to Zandar," she hissed. "If Hermione wasn't right there, I would shiv you in the kidney!"

"What does that even mean, Gin—"

"Been talking about milkshakes, I hear," she said. She was certain she would master that death stare someday soon.

Ron turned Pepto-Bismol pink and looked at the ground hurriedly. "I—I—"

"You know, Ron…I was totally cool that time you_ accidentally_ spotted me in the shower AND that time you got a boner on the flying car trip last summer, but if I EVER hear about you having even so much as a fleeting thought about my milkshakes…" She trailed off angrily. "I'll—I'll tell Hermione about the time you and Neville experimented together during your third year."

Her brother looked horrified. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Neville showed me the pictures, Ron."

He paled. "Oh dear."

"You're damn right," Ginny hissed.

Ron's hands began to tug at his sleeves feverishly. "Um…Ginny?"

"What?"

"Please don't be too angry with me…"

She grabbed him by the collar. "What did you do?"

"It's just that I bruise easily—"

"Like a peach," she said through her teeth.

"Like a peach…and I may or may not have told…others…about your milkshakes."

She frowned. "How many _others_?"

"Well, about how many guys do you reckon go into the third stall of the prefect's bathroom each day?"

"Ron…I could _kill_ you," she said with a murderous yank. "I mean, really sick, Saw III has nothing on me, _kill_ you!"

"Oh," he squeaked. "Then I probably shouldn't mention the first and second stalls as well."

"Oh I am totally telling Hermione that you jerk off to Hentai." Ginny started to storm off. "You've never even had one of my milkshakes!"

"Well, everyone else has…I felt left out!"

"That's not true," she snapped. She turned and smiled at the other girl. "I'll see you later, Hermione. Ron's into school girls and tentacle monsters."

Hermione looked puzzled, quill hanging out of her mouth. "I could work with that."

"Oh, and he and Neville totally made out third year," Ginny added. "And there was _definitely_ hand on penis action."

The other girl paused. "I could work with that too…"

"Now, if you will excuse me," the younger girl cried. "I have some bathroom stalls to destroy!"


	3. Chapter 3

"The hallway has a speed limit, Miss Weasley!"

Ginny whirled around mid-sprint and tumbled into the corridor wall. "Ow! Perhaps you should post some signs then!" She gasped with embarrassment. "Professor Dumbledore? Sorry!"

The silver haired eccentric chuckled. "That's perfectly alright, Miss Weasley, but where, as they say, is the fire?"

She gave him a quizzical look. "Fire, sir?"

"I am saying the expression correctly, yes? You were running rather quickly…Where's the fire?" He frowned. "I'm sure that's it."

Ginny was baffled. "Erm…yes, fire…of course." She gave a weak laugh. "I was just on a quest, sir."

The headmaster seemed curious. "A quest?"

"A mission to restore my reputation."

He smiled. "And have you no knight in shining armor to defend your honor?"

"You mean Harry?" she asked. She laughed. "He's part of the problem, not the solution. Besides, this fair maiden is fighting for herself."

"You're quite the feminist, Miss Weasley."

She nodded grimly. "When you're surrounded by boys your whole life, you've got to be."

Dumbledore gestured down the corridor and began to walk. "And where might this lady in arms be dashing off to in order to protect her dignity?"

Ginny trotted along beside him, surprised at the professor's sudden interest in her personal life. "The prefect's bathroom?"

He raised his eyebrows inquisitively.

Ginny forced herself not to think about how absurdly bushy old men's eyebrows get with age. Seriously, they looked like silver fuzzy caterpillars feeding upon his face.

"I see…" he murmured. "I do recall a bit of gossip scrawled in the third stall in what appeared to be the handwriting of a certain Ron Weasley."

She frowned. "Treacherous kin."

"Indeed," Dumbledore replied. He gave her a grave look.

"Before you go and hex the shit out of that toilet," he said, turning to gave out the window. "I must ask you, Miss Weasley…"

Ginny paled. "What?" Surely hexing toilets was perfectly legal.

"Could I have a milkshake?"

She recoiled. "A wha—I—er, you—and I—WHAT?"

The elderly man fell to his knees. "Don't hold back, baby! I hear you got the good stuff, and you know Daddy has a sweet tooth!"

"That is confusing and sick on so many levels I don't even know where to begin," she said.

He clutched at her robes like a crack addict surrounded by powdered donuts. "I'll be your sugar daddy, baby! I'll give you House Cup every year! I'll teach Harry how to kiss! I'll do anything! Just make me some liquid love, my culinary mama!"

She tugged free with as much dignity as possible. "Isn't there some kind of clause against this in the Student-Teacher Relationship Handbook?"

Dumbledore whimpered at her feet. "I love you!"

"You only love me for my desserts!" she cried. "Now piss off!"

Ginny turned back in the directions of the bathrooms and tried her best to erase the entire conversation from her brain.

The head masters sobs could be heard in the distance.

"I will not lose respect for Professor Dumbledore," she chanted. "I will not lose respect for Professor Dumbledore…even if he does have an unprecedented addiction to sweets."

"Ginny, what are you doing in this neck of the woods?" asked some Hufflepuff we've never heard of.

Ginny smiled. This boy was a prefect. Just what she needed to accomplish her goal. "Oh you know, just wandering the school…hoping I'd bump into you." She giggled. "Looks like my wish came true!"

The Hufflepuff blushed. "Me? But you never even talk to me…"

She touched his shoulder flirtatiously. "Of course not, silly! Don't you know girls at all? When we really like a boy, we never talk to them. We're too embarrassed."

"That makes sense I guess…but aren't you dating Harry Potter?"

"Dating is such a vague term," she said.

"Well, this is my stop," he said, pausing outside the prefect bathroom. "Nightly shower and all."

Ginny leaned in and gave him a come hither smile. "Mind if I join you?"

He blinked. "I don't know if that's appropriate. I mean, you're taken, it's a public restroom, and we've never even kissed before."

She sighed. "Then let me kiss you."

"Still can't get past the other thing."

"What? Harry?"

"Oh no, fuck Harry! I hate him for some reason or other. I meant the public restroom thing. They're hardly sanitary, and I'm not sexually adventurous. I'm barely even sexual, and I just—" He froze as Ginny jabbed her wand into his throat.

"Now listen here, Eunuch McPrudery!" She gave the wand a sharp stab. "I'm tired of pretending to find you attractive, especially when you're hardly repaying the compliment. I need to get into the prefect bathroom, and you're gonna let me in or else!"

The boy trembled. "Or else what?"

"I will do terrible things to you in the _filthy_ public restroom!"

His face turned white. "Okay, I'll do anything you say, just don't contaminate me."

Ginny smirked. "There's a good boy. Now open the door."

He quickly fumbled his way toward the door. "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," he whispered.

She gritted her teeth and forced herself to ignore the password's clear reference to her infamous creations.

The door creaked open. Ginny prodded the boy in the spine. "Now get in there."

He obeyed nervously. The door closed behind them with a resounding thud.

Ginny ignored her captive and dashed over to the third stall as if possessed. She fumed at her brother's uncharacteristically legible graffiti.

_For a good milkshake, owl Ginny Weasley._

She staggered back, blinded by rage. "Oh it's on!" She pointed her wand at the line of potties vengefully. "Prepare to meet thy doom, toilet!"


End file.
